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Post by sigurdur on Jan 16, 2016 23:43:55 GMT
Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book!!”
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Post by sigurdur on Jan 17, 2016 23:48:59 GMT
A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The Rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."
The Priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the Rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The Priest replied, "Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my faith."
The Rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the Rabbi said, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
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Post by sigurdur on Feb 8, 2016 20:35:16 GMT
The train was crowded, the war-weary U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The Marine asked, 'Excuse me Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine sighed and walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place.'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up:
'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong things.
You live on the wrong side of the Ocean.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong pregnant dog out of the window.'
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Post by sigurdur on Feb 15, 2016 18:00:20 GMT
Ah yes........... Attachments:
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Post by sigurdur on Feb 21, 2016 18:57:32 GMT
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship.
A woman survived a grizzly bear attack with one well-placed shot from her itsy bitsy .25 calibre Beretta Jetfire.
These are her own words:
“While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere.
She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today! I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot.
It hit my husband in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily.
While the grizzly mauled the poor bastard, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. I love that pistol. I'll soon find another husband.”
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Post by sigurdur on Feb 23, 2016 20:42:48 GMT
Once upon a time
there was a king who wanted to go fishing.
He called the royal
weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast
for the next few hours.
The weatherman
assured him that there was absolutely no chance of rain in
the coming days.
So the king went
fishing with his wife, the queen.
On the way he met a
farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said,
"Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once,
because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain
to fall in this area."
The king was polite
and considerate, but replied: "I hold my palace
meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated
and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very
high wages. He gave me a very different
forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my
way." So he continued on his way.
However, a short
time later a torrential rain fell from the sky.
The King and Queen
were totally soaked...... and their entourage chuckled upon
seeing them in such a shameful condition.
Furious, the king
returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the
weatherman at once!
Then he summoned the
farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role
of royal forecaster.
The farmer said,
"Your Majesty, I do not know anything about weather
forecasting. I obtain my information from my
donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means
with certainty that it will rain."
So the king hired
the donkey.
And so began the
practice of hiring asses to work in the government,
and ...occupy all its highest and most influential positions
...and which later became the official symbol for the
Democratic party.
Thus ends your Bit
Of Knowledge for today.
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Post by sigurdur on Feb 24, 2016 15:29:53 GMT
Code: Who is there?
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Post by sigurdur on Feb 24, 2016 15:47:06 GMT
Model T robot. I don't think it will take 100 years to have a practical one tho.
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Post by sigurdur on Mar 31, 2016 0:45:24 GMT
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Post by sigurdur on Apr 22, 2016 0:44:25 GMT
Wow!!! What a heck of a guy! And he got his girl too boot!
LOL.
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