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Post by nautonnier on Feb 12, 2019 0:08:14 GMT
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Post by Ratty on Feb 12, 2019 5:02:02 GMT
Monkey wrench?  |
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Post by Ratty on Feb 12, 2019 5:42:29 GMT
Communication...
A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings. She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens.
She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi, I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."She hangs up, and the man asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh, she replies, "that was my husband telling me about the great time he's having on his golf trip with you."
Special Package deal for Businessmen_
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.
Buy your ticket, get your wife's ticket free.
After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"
New SIM to Surprise Her Husband
Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number: "Hello Darling"
The husband responds in a low tone:
"Let me call you back later Honey, my wife is in the kitchen"
Message from Wife
Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my children, I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement. .
Throwing Knives at Wife's Picture
Husband was throwing knives at his wife’s picture.
All the knives were missing the target!
Suddenly he received a call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."
Your Husband Needs Rest
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him? Doctor: They are for you"!
Coincidence
A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne..
The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that? I just ordered champagne too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I'm celebrating.'
This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.
'What a coincidence!' said the farmer. As they clinked glasses he added: 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are laying again.
'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said 'what a coincidence'.
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Post by missouriboy on Feb 12, 2019 15:05:04 GMT
What do You Suppose He Just Said?  :format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/63036494/1094820920.jpg.0.jpg)
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Post by missouriboy on Feb 12, 2019 16:00:39 GMT
Was Spain about climate policy? It more against the government concessions to Catalonia and budgets. The Catalans want to become independent from Spain, so the government is trying to buy them off. Managing to annoy both the Catalans and the other regions of Spain. I don't think Spain ever recovered from the various religious wars with the Caliphate, Cathars and Papal inquisitions  That and they never really recovered from the defeat of the Armada (1588). The preceding century could rightfully be called the Spanish Century as it began with the final expulsion of the Moors (1492) by the twin regents and the conquest of the New World. Interesting how these events also correspond with the Fourth Turnings identified by Straus and Howe. By 1700 (next fourth turning), with the death of Charles II (the last of the Hapsburgs), Spain was a backwater. By the next, Napoleon had installed his brother on the Spanish throne (1808), and Spain really ceased to matter in the course of European history. |
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Post by Ratty on Feb 12, 2019 20:51:45 GMT
What do You Suppose He Just Said? " You need to leave politics so you can spend more time with family."  |
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Post by missouriboy on Feb 13, 2019 0:54:14 GMT
What do You Suppose He Just Said? " You need to leave politics so you can spend more time with family." Ya suppose? Or was it ... I have a keg of ale back at my place. |
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Post by Ratty on Feb 13, 2019 1:09:38 GMT
[ Snip ] Ya suppose? Or was it ... I have a keg of ale back at my place. Most unlikely. |
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Post by nautonnier on Feb 13, 2019 3:26:38 GMT
[ Snip ] Ya suppose? Or was it ... I have a keg of ale back at my place. Most unlikely. Knowing Juncker it is more likely a crate of Napoleon Brandy set aside for this weeks' breakfasts - for a soft #Brexit |
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Post by Ratty on Feb 13, 2019 4:42:02 GMT
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Post by Ratty on Feb 13, 2019 8:18:19 GMT
A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied, in a loud voice "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking; I bet you felt embarrassed, right?"
The man responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? .... I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The man whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".
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Post by missouriboy on Feb 13, 2019 8:36:42 GMT
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Post by nautonnier on Feb 13, 2019 9:29:09 GMT
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Post by Ratty on Feb 13, 2019 11:19:28 GMT
I'm suspicious of the editing. 
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Post by nautonnier on Feb 13, 2019 11:27:48 GMT
I'm suspicious of the editing. You should watch a CNN replay of a Trump speech |
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